Something I've Been Thinking On

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not the most religious of people. When my little brother was hurt (another post for another day maybe), my mom turned to God to try and rationalize why this had happened to her and to us. And to thank Him for letting Tristen stay here instead of taking him home to Heaven. But in all honesty? I've never been the religious type. I'm a wishy washy Christian. There. I admitted it.
I act like a Christian when things are going my way, but when they're not, I'm angry at God because there's nobody else to be angry at or because I refuse to take the responsibility for things that have happened. 

Well, when Everleigh was born, I was furious with God. How could He have given me someone who was "broken" while continuing to let certain people in my life have healthy, normal children? Fortunately, now I see that's not the case. He hasn't condemned me with Everleigh. He's given me a chance to see the good that this world still has to offer. He's given me the opportunity to slow down, take a look around and enjoy living life a little slower sometimes. To appreciate the little things. Like that first-thing-in-the-morning smile, the little giggles, the coos, and even the whining and crying. Because I created this beautiful little girl with help from God and He has given her to me as a lesson. And whatever that lesson may be, I'll learn it in time.
Compassion? Unconditional Love? Toughening up my skin? Emotional control? Pure, unadulterated joy? Whatever it is, He knows. And He will let me know when it is time.

When I hear about someone in my circle of acquaintances being pregnant, I secretly hope that they will be blessed with a little something extra as well. Because no matter what anyone tries to tell me, Everleigh is a true angel. She was put here to enrich the lives of those who love her. And she will go on to do GREAT things - whatever those may be. It may have been "chance" (1/800 odds of T21), but it was no chance that MY daughter has a little something extra.
And you know what?
It makes her all the more precious, loved and special.