Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Starting Anew

Come September, I will be going back to college.
I know, I know, I have a hard time finishing anything I start. This is evidenced by the fact I've been to college once already, the innumerable crafts, baby blanket and other unfinished projects around my room.The fact that I completely and wholly paid my mom back for my car was a feat unto itself. I am putting money aside (in an account at a different bank that I don't have possession of the debit card for), and I'm trying to get myself mentally prepared to return.
Sheridan. Brampton campus. September 2012.
Office Administration - Medical.
Be ready for me, Sheridan. I'm determined to do this right this time. Let's do this.

But then, of course, there's that little nagging voice in the back of my head. You know, the devil on your shoulder. The one who whispers, "if you couldn't do it single and childless, what makes you think you can do it now?". The one who pokes himself annoyingly into thoughts where he's not invited. I know lots of moms do it. Hell, moms finish out programs with newborns! And I definitely don't have an other half supplementing my income, lifting me up, complimenting me and telling me what a good job I'm doing. So I guess I've gotta lift myself up. There's no time like the present. I'm living at home still, I'll never have another opportunity like this (God willing, knock on wood). I might as well go now, while the going's good.

I'm pulling in decent hours at work, finally. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I enjoy my job. I (mostly) enjoy the ladies I work with. There are some gems in that place. But I sort of finally feel that feeling I can only imagine my mom had to feel daily for years. It is hard to get up every day, say goodbye to your kid and go to work. Grandma picks her up (thankfully), and is with her until I get home. I know the paycheck will be worth it, and she's young enough that she won't remember me working so much to try to save money, but it's still tough. I also know that my situation could be a lot worse. Has been worse. I'm optimistic that it's on the way up. I can't entertain any other ideas, I'll sink back into the darkness if I do.

Speaking of darkness....can you all do me a favor? Can you visit Reese's Rainbow and take a look around? Maybe one of the girls or boys will jump out at you. A child who has been abandoned, denied, because of their extra 21st. I know that there are kids all over the world who are looking for their forever family...but this is a website dear to the down syndrome community. RR caters to orphans with down syndrome. A lot of those kids are malnourished, in danger. Who knows? You may find your forever baby on there. Just take a look. Open your eyes. While you're at it, head on over to Susanna's blog and take a look at Katie. When Susanna set eyes on her, she weighed approx 8lbs at 9 years old. EIGHT POUNDS. She was severely malnourished and on the brink of death. After fighting through hell to get her home and on the mend, in the 5 months since she has been home she has put on weight and now looks healthy. She turned 10 years old. She is making leaps and bounds. Katie is a success story, but not all kids get to live out the same story. Please just take a look.

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