Monday, 12 September 2011

If I Died Tomorrow

If you had one day left on this Earth, what would you do with it? Who would you spend it with? Are there things you need to say to someone before you go?

I honestly don't know if there are enough hours in one day to tell different people all the things I need to tell them. Things like "I'm sorry" or "I never should have.." or "I wish you knew". Things like "Where were you when I needed you?" or "How could you have done this to me?" or even something simple like "THIS is how you make me feel".

If I only had 24 hours left on Earth, I don't even know if I'd be able to leave my house, or my family and my daughter. As much as we fight and disagree and get in each others' way sometimes, I don't think I'd be able to leave the safety of these four walls...of my mom and my brothers and my daughter.

Someone told me once when I was pregnant that "having a child is like allowing a piece of your heart to roam freely in this world," and how true that is. Everytime someone says something negative towards Everleigh (Down Syndrome based or not), it's like stabbing me in the heart. How can you tell a parent that they made the wrong decision in having their child? It's not your life, keep your opinions to yourself, you were supposed to be my WERE my friend (once upon a time).

If I died tomorrow, who would look after her? It's not like I have worldly possessions or money to pass on, but I do have a very precious life that would need to be taken care of. My mom and stepdad would take her in a heartbeat, I know...but what if something happened and they were taken from her too? There are just so many unknowns in this world today, so many things that can go wrong. Life is so precious and can be taken from us in the blink of an prepared can we ever be?

I know that I'll be able to pass peacefully as long as I know she's taken care of. I'm sure pretty much every parent feels that way about their child, but I think that parents of T21 angels feel that way just a little bit more. Because they ARE different. More alike than different, but the differences are there just the same. Housing, money, a job....most parents just assume their child will spread their wings and fly one day, unprompted. But I don't ever want to let Everleigh go. She is a part of me, my heart walking out in the big, wide world. As long as someone is there to take care of her, I know that I'll be okay, and so will she.

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